A Confidence Building Read

This morning, I was woken by the sound of my beautiful daughter's voice, "Mama, night night?" She was up and was checking to see if I was awake as well.

As I pulled her into bed with me so we could snuggle I tried to capture every little thing that made her HER into my heart and my memory.

Her frizzy little bed head curls, her slight morning breath, the crusties around her beautiful almond shaped eyes, her chunky little thighs and her sweet smile. She is perfect!! There is nothing I would change about her.

Then I realized that she has so many traits of mine... specifically the frizzy bed head curls, and chunky thighs. Traits that I really don't appreciate or like. Things that I would love to change about myself. Things I would never want her to be self conscious about. Which I am totally giving the wrong impression about.

Amazingly, when I turned on the TV to watch Elmo, Matt Lauer w/ the Today Show was on talking about a Plus Sized Model who bared it all in Glamour Magazine.

Lizzie Miller, a 20 year old model, is a size 12. Not what I consider plus size nor fat. She is an average sized woman. A beautiful young lady who posed numerous times for Glamour Magazine.

To me, Lizzie is a REAL woman. Some one I can look at and not be self conscious about the way I look or how clothes fits me. She exercises, eats right and loves life!! She is an inspiration to so many women young and old thin or curvy; Size 2 to 26!!

The article that Lizzie's photo appears in was touching. There were parts of it that I swore came right out of my head. And then there were the parts that made me tear up.

"A lot of my female clients make anxious comments like, ‘You’ve probably never seen thighs this big,’ or they apologize if they have a day’s worth of stubble on their legs. It’ll take a few sessions for them to relax and enjoy the massage." - Jennifer Phillips, certified massage therapist

That is me!! I can't tell you how many times I have felt awkward having a bit of a stubble on my legs when I went to get a pedicure.

“Since pregnancy is such a transformational time, I use the opportunity to plant seeds with expectant mothers. I point out that women’s bodies are soft and round for a reason. For example, hips widen to accommodate the weight of a new life. And what we call the pooch—the slight roundness of the belly—stores needed estrogen. We’ve been poisoning ourselves with unrealistic images for so long that we see these parts as liabilities. But we can create life, for God’s sake! So I want all of us, pregnant or not, to embrace the changes our bodies undergo as a part of the natural order of things.” -Sue Baelen, licensed midwife

Beautiful!!! We are woman, we should embrace our curves.

A Memory from the Past

I was 18... and in love. He, Brian, was 21 and ready to gamble.

Las Vegas was the first trip we did together. And the trip was a gracious 21st Birthday gift from Brian's parents.

How much cooler of a gift can you get when you turn 21? Not to mention, his parents invited his girlfriend (me) along as well.

Brian is a lucky duck!!

We, Brian, Craig & Terry, Jackie and then husband, Grangon, Denise & Kinney, and I spent Thanksgiving week 2001 in Las Vegas!!

It was a great time, and wonderful experience.

The lights twinkled and gleamed, the food was abundant, and the slots were loose. Vegas is the "Magic Kingdom" to adults as Disneyland is the magic kingdom to kids...

One evening when Jackie and Terry went to Cirque De Soliel, Craig, Brian & I walked the "strip". We drank "chee chee's" from the Harrah's and laughed. Not a whole lot of gambling went on. It was more of a learning experience. I will never forget that night. I learnt a lot about my future father in law... and my future husband.

Little did I know that more family trips like the one to Vegas would be in my future.

And little did everyone else know, that Brian and I considered getting married at the Chapel in the MGM hotel.

ACAI Berry and Cleanse Diets

As the sun starts warming the earth with hugs I start to realize that summer is on it's way.

Before you know it, it's going to be 100 degrees!! Shorts, and sun dresses will fill my wardrobe but embarrasement will fill my mind.

I am 5'2'' and about 175lbs!! Yes folks, if you use a BMI calculator I am obese. Do I look "obese"... no I don't think so. I wear a size 10/12, which I guess isn't that big. But it is bigger then I want to be.

I would LOVE to be a 4 again!!

For years, I wore a 0/2 so you can imagine the shock when I bought a pair of jeans that were a 12.

I am done crying. But I am not done wishing I had the same body I had when I was in my late teens/ early 20's. I am tired of hearing my weight compared to what it used to be from my family. I know they aren't saying it to be mean or inconsiderate. They are worried and see these HORRIBLE changes.

Now, a little background. I have PCOS which tends to make people hold weight no matter what. I should really limit my carb intake because of PCOS and I really have been.

But no matter what I do, I gain weight.

When I was pregnant with Alexandra and Grayson, I gain 19 lbs.

After giving birth to them, I was 153. Man, what I would give to be 153 again!! Now, mind you, I have increased my activity and I think I am eating healthier... yet I have gained 20+ lbs in 14 months!!

All of these Acai Berry & Cleanse diets/ advertisements intrigue me. I wish I knew if they TRULY worked. Boy, I would do it in a heart beat if I knew they did.

How I wish I could wear shorts this summer... or even better... How I wish I could stop deleting pictures of myself with my babies because I look FAT!!!